My Own Cognitive Dysfunction

how a brain works

Yesterday morning, I sat with trepidation on a seat in the lobby of my general practitioner.  I was scheduled for a 'CNS Test,' which had me at a loss.  Was I going to have my spine tapped, my brainwaves read, my muscles electrocuted for the purpose of checking my reflexes?  Nope.  I sat in front of a computer and was asked to perform repetitive functions and a memory test.  Easy-peasy.  I was delighted, as I was going to rock this test.  Unfortunately, it was going to prove that there is nothing wrong with me, and that I am a hypochondriac.  But there were other tests I could have done to prove I am not jumping at shadows, so I went into the test with a bittersweet thought.

I was asked to remember 15 words and alert the computer, via depression of the space bar, when I saw one of said 15 words throughout the test.  I was also asked to decipher numerical codes and tap really, really fast on the space bar to test my speed of nerve firing.  I tapped the ever loving life out of the space bar.  I rocked that test, in my head.

the program used

In reality, however, I scored below average, low, and very low on every single test I was handed on that little computer screen.  This indicates my neural response times are very low.  My doctor came in - the one who focused on my weight the first time, barely alluding to my concerns about my mental and physical dysfunction - and ordered 8 blood tests (fasting, of course) and an EEG.  She also encouraged me to call the neurologist sooner, rather than later.  How comforting.

I spent all of yesterday moody and upset.  How could my physical game be SO off?  What if I have MS, or another form of sclerosis, or a brain tumor, or a metabolic disease, or early onset Alzheimer's, or....*gasp* a DISEASE NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF?!?!?!?

But i am being dumb.  Don't do that, me.  Stop it.  Whatever is going on, I can handle it.  I have my kids, my friends, and my family to support me through this.  On the positive note, I am not crazy that I am having cognitive dysfunction problems.  Which means I am also not imagining the physical limitations that I have been experiencing.

cute kittens make me happy

Validation is bittersweet here.  I hope the blood tests and EEG show something.  But even if they don't, we can rule a bunch of stuff out.