Health Problems

So I have been out of a job since August (mostly by choice, though I *was* fired), and I have been feeling kinda depressed and more than a little lazy.  So I wasn't terribly surprised when I was less flexible and gained 15 lbs.  However, its been more than that lately, especially the last three months.  So I asked my psych doctors in the research study if I was having side effects of the meds, like before.  NOPE.  Turns out, I am feeling weird for some other reason.

I have been having trouble walking for a few months, and it is entirely related to spasms in my back and hips.  So I got different shoes, tried stretching first, did exercises for it, and it didn't go away.  Except for sometimes, when it was gone completely and I felt normal.  I became dizzy every morning upon waking, and have had nerve and muscle spasms in my right foot for about 8 months or so now. 

I have been looking at it all like separate symptoms and basically told myself I am fat, out of shape, and stupid for letting myself get so out of hand.  Then, a friend said, "sounds like MS."  I laughed it off, cuz I have a friend with MS, and I am nothing like her (except we are both dead sexy, yaknowwhatimean?!?).  So I look up Multiple Sclerosis just to prove to myself I don't have it.  And what do I find?  YES.  I have all top ten warning signs.



1. Fuzzy Thinking
I have had the worst time the last year or so thinking straight.  My psych gave me Vyvanse, but that only made me move faster with more energy.  Not clear my head.  

2. Paresthesia (numbness/tingling) in extremities
 This one i have had going on for more than a year - probably two, actually.  maybe more.  I have had an MRI and x-rays of my neck to verify I have no pinched nerves or disc related issues.  My Darling and The Man can attest to my random shaking-of-the-hand to try to get blood back into it because I assumed it was a vascular issue.

3. Vision changes
Nothing the doctors have been able to find, but I do have fuzzy or strange vision jumps daily. They've become a lot worse lately, but I just had an eye exam two months ago and, although I have a myelinated retina, one near sighted eye, and one far sighted eye.....I am fine.

4. Exhaustion/tiredness
I have been more exhausted this last year than any before that.  But even as a kid, i would take any excuse to sleep.

5. Depression (duh)
well, i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety three and a quarter years ago.....and it was an abrupt change in me.  never been depressed before and i assumed it was my students causing the issues....oops.  maybe.

6. Mood swings
I have broken down into tears for absolutely no reason so many times this last few months....starting around Thanksgiving.....

7. Vertigo
Lifelong problem.....so it may or may not have anything to do with this.  but it's there, and it is now present every morning.  And when my kids try to walk alongside me, I go completely off balance and don't know what to do.  I freak out and ask them not to walk near me.

8. Pain
yeah, yeah, this is probably just a coincidence.  not saying anything more about this.  i *am* a fat girl....

9. Muscle spasms
my back....oh god my back.....every day.  and my right foot has a charlie horse or five each day.  sounds like a fucked up neuro issue to me!  Also, for the last 2-3 years, I have choked on my own spit more times than I can count, and not been able to swallow for a moment after.  Scary.  I have awakened with what felt like a tracheal stenosis, as I could only breathe in through what seemed to be a straw.....scary shit, waking up unable to breathe and unable to gasp for air.  I had to train myself to relax and breathe in slowly so that I could get back to normal faster.  I grew empathetic for dogs and cats with collapsing tracheas and asthma.

10. Bladder/bowel problems
only in the last three or four months, i have noticed that i, the girl who grew up doing kegels daily because her mom taught lamaze for 16 years, have been leaking a little while on the way to the toilet.  i have doubled my kegels but it has barely helped.  i am not wetting my skivvies or anything yet, but it is an issue i am embarassed to admit.

I KNOW HOW IT WORKS, PEOPLE.  I am no idiot.  I know that the mind can make things appear to be when they aren't there at all.  So I am visiting the doctor in 9 hours to see if there may be any inkling of truth to the possibility that I may have MS....on top of depression and anxiety....and being an Aspie.  woot.   I hope I am not being a hypochondriac.....i want there to be a reason for me feeling so out of sync with my body.  i don't like it.  not one bit....

OH and MS is caused by the body deciding it hates the Oligodendrocytes (the sweet little fat-roll-ups that cover the axon of the nerve to allow it to transmit properly) and eats them up.  Stupid immune system.  Go fight someone else!