My eyes hurt. They kinda felt like I'd been awake for too many hours, even though I'd just gotten up about an hour prior. I was watching 'Picture Perfect' with the Man, and I kept closing my eyes and pressing into them with my fingers, hoping to alleviate the pain. I had been asleep for too long, then, I suspected. Yesterday, I had been nauseous and vomiting and slept all day, then all night. I frequently feel wonky after sleeping too much.
I checked the timer on my phone. Six minutes till I could start thinking about rinsing my hair. So I got up and drank two glasses of water. Since I'd been sleeping all day and night, I was obviously a little dehydrated from vomiting and not replenishing myself. I scratched an itch on my scalp and washed my hand. I didn't want the bleach to burn my finger or affect my acrylic nails.
I moseyed on towards the bathroom, and turned on the shower. I had three minutes left, but I may as well just rinse my head. Three minutes isn't that long, and won't make my hair any discernible shade lighter at this point. I've bleached my hair three times before, and I knew I would retain a vibrant pink no matter how long the bleach was in my previously-purple hair. What's three minutes?
My mind was anxious. My body felt shaky. Probably because of too much sleep, I imagined. It's never easy to come out of a sleep-coma, and I could nap again after my shower. The water was still cold - I thought I'd given it enough time to warm up, but I suppose not. Oh, well, I just want to get this bleach out of my hair. There's so much of it! I had used two bleach kits of the same brand because my hair is so long that it requires two boxes. I could tell that, although I tried to keep the bleach from touching my scalp, I would have a slight chemical burn from the fumes. I had intentionally not showered for 48 hours so I would have a nice oil buildup, but it hardly helps, I suppose.
My throat and chest kind of tickled. I coughed. Again. I didn't smell anything offputting, not even bleach, so I attributed it to the steam in the shower hitting my lungs. Man, that's a lot of product in my hair. I bet shampooing it will help to strip the bleach from my hairs. And why the fuck am I coughing so much? It's a dry cough in a steamy shower. Weird.
Now I'm dizzy. What the ever loving fuck? My scalp hurts, and I can't stop coughing. I feel weak, so I lean against the wall. Maybe it's an overwhelming smell of bleach that's affecting me. So I pull out the citrus-smelling face wash and scrub my face. The smell is pleasant, but now I am breathing with my mouth open and I have no idea why. Maybe I'm still sick or dehydrated from yesterday. I just need to condition my hair, though, and I can get out of the shower. I *was* gonna shave my legs, but...nah. Not up for it today. I should really drink more water. I've become kind of a pussy lately, what with the sleeping too much.
I start moaning out loud, cuz I am feeling so weird and I can't put a finger on what's wrong. My eyes keep closing and I have to wrench them open with lots of thought. I tell myself to pull it the fuck together. It's just a shower, dammit! I am so confused right now. Oh, yeah, conditioner. Oh. It's already on my head. Ok. I can do this. I just need to rinse it out a little and then I can get out of the shower. I let go of the wall and lean back into the shower. I lose my balance and catch myself, and decide to rinse while leaning against the wall. I face the shower and lean in. Oh wow. My breathing is so fast right now. I'm trying to gulp air into my lungs through the waterfall that is my face. I don't want to drown, so I turn around again.
I yank the curtain open halfway. I must be having trouble with the steam. I need some air, because apparently the steam is causing me to gasp this way. What is going on with me? Is this supposed to happen?
I began to imagine how bad it must be for people who have heart attacks who can't breathe. Because I am a totally normal 35 year old who is just feeling wonky and I am pretty damn miserable. Lying down and sleeping sounds pretty good right now. I wonder when people who have heart attacks fall down? Do they choose to get down, or do they just collapse? How bad does one have to feel before collapsing? Because i can hardly feel my legs right now. Maybe I should kneel down a little. Wait. Heart attack. Am I having a heart attack? Where's my pulse? There it is. Wow. My heart is beating at.....I don't know...1, 2, 3, how long is six seconds? Aw, Hell, it's probably about 120+ right now. If I have a pulse, it isn't a heart attack. so what is going on? Geez, i really can't breathe...i keep gasping and i am really feeling faint right now so i am gonna go ahead and kneel down now. oh crap i still have conditioner in my hair. i need to rinse it.
oh. my head wants to get heavy. ok. i can lie here. why won't the air make my lungs feel better? i just want to rinse the conditioner out of my hair right now. i don't know if i am still attached to my body right now. i hope the man is awake.
i yell for the man.
i continue to gasp for air, using the entirety of my tidal volume. i don't know how much time has passed and the man hasn't arrived. i yell for the man again.
i don't know how long it was before he showed up but i can't breathe and i think i tell him that. i have no idea what i looked like. but i was sitting in the tub, leaning heavily over the side with my head on the side of the tub. my mouth never closed, and i can only imagine how fast i was trying to breathe. i felt like a freshly caught fish. i couldn't move.
the man turns off the water. he covers me in a towel. he pats my back. he is obviously confused as to what to make of the situation in front of him.
i think i tried to cry. but i couldn't because my entire body was focused on bringing in oxygen that it needed but couldn't find. i wanted to cry.
somehow he moves me to the bed. i felt like there was an invisible line on my elbows and knees, and the distal parts of my limbs were static. not pins and needles. just static. i couldn't see objects. just colors with no outline or structure. i moved but my mind was too muddy to record anything. i remember trying to talk and feeling my tongue not move. it felt swollen. i immediately assumed i had a stroke. or an allergic reaction.
but i could breathe. i wasn't gasping for air anymore. that was a plus. i could feel my legs and arms again. my head started to clear. and my tongue deflated and began to work again. so i took a nap.
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