Asperger Syndrome and Animals

This is going to be a quick post, and mainly a link to another article/wordpress post.  I am a female of my species, and I have Asperger Syndrome.  My mother thought I was autistic when I was a child, and I went to a few child psychiatrists who insisted I wasn't.  I didn't speak till I was three, and my first 'word' was a sentence, "turn on air conditioner please."  I could not and would not make eye contact until I was 16, after a long and painful episode with my mother on the steps of our beautiful Colorado home.  I am hypersensitive to sounds, textures, and touch.  I did not know how to relax until my mother, who usually made me cringe that she would yell or hit me, forced me to lie down for a back rub.  She did that every so often until I learned how to relax myself.  I had a very difficult time discussing anything with my mother or sisters when I was a child, and actually felt closest to my father, who likely also has Aspergers and has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  My father was very withdrawn and threw himself into his work.  My mother describes him as an absent father, absent spouse, and generally my sisters feel abandoned by the man even though he was there.  He just wasn't THERE.  They have even argued many times that my problems with my mother are imaginary and I should be having problems with my dad.  I don't have problems with my dad.  He was my favorite parent.  He didn't hit me when I wouldn't look him in the eye.  He communicated to me the way I communicated.  I understood him.

Anyway, I have always been hyperempathetic.  I cry when others cry, I feel what others feel, and I can read emotions in people and complete strangers (clients) because I am feeling their feelings.  I have always been praised over and over at work by colleagues and bosses for my client communication abilities.  My ability to help people through grief and loss, and help people cope with their pets' illnesses.  I knew autistic people are reportedly good with animals of all sorts, and I have felt closer to the family pets than the humans my whole life.

When articles began rising to the surface when I was in high school (think mid 1990's) about Asperger Syndrome, my mother leaped upon them to explain me.  But the articles all focused on boys and men.  Engineers and Mathematicians.  Stone cold emotionless men who still found spouses because they were successful, and passed on the gene to their offspring.  I am a girl.  I didn't entirely fit the profile.  but I kept it in my head for a long time.  I have frequently associated myself with being an Aspie ever since then, and decided that if I have kids, I will make sure to look for all the signs and work with them so that their childhood would not be as horrific as I remember mine to be.

When my first son was born, I worked on eye contact from day 1.  I know, I know, babies don't make eye contact.  But I made the effort every day to spend time gazing into his dark blue eyes.  When he was 4 months old, he began to have night terrors.  Doctors insist that infants do not have night terrors, but he did.  Until he was 3 years old.  My son rolled over at 2 days old, then not again until well after he was walking.  He hated Tummy Time as an infant and would scream for up to an hour (while I was speaking in soothing tones and rubbing his back) before I would relent and roll him back over.  He never crawled, but could stack alphabet blocks 9 high when he was 9 months old and cruising the coffee table.  He had a 50 word vocabulary by the time he turned 1 year.  And now, he is 10 years old and beginning to have Aspie issues.  He needs alone time, and has social exhaustion.  But he is brilliant and aces anything handed to him.  He's been begging me to not make him go to school.  It's so painful for me to see him like this.

Anyway, please read the article.  It is well written and describes me perfectly.  I sent it to my mother when I found it, and I have been in tears since.  I feel like I finally have an answer.  I am not a male Aspie.  I am female.  And we are different.  Much like cats are not small dogs, we cannot be assumed to have the same signs and treatments as the others.  I hope this made sense.  And I hope that my mother can stop being so angry with me now.  I know she is making an effort.  I hope I can continue to make the effort to be understood and it will be enough.